i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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