Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
