I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Randomize
