No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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