i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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