you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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