Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
