you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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