I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
