I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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