I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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