I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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