How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
