cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
