I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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