a queef is a wish your heart makes.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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