I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
sarcasm needs its own font
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
