one might say we're banned from that church
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
