12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
