bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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