Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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