So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
