I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
