I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
