just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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