yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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