I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
