i may or may not be watching the land before time
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
