Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
