Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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