Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
