btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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