Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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