His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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