Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
