She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
