just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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