omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
