Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize