haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
