yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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