If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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