Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
