I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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