dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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