What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
