i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
