I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
