I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
