i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
