Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
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His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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