my mouth tastes like poor choices
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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