do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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