He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Is Oprah even human
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Randomize
