Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
