I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
