I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
