you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
