her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
