so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
