yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
